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Alina I've only read the first few chapters of this story and so far the world that you created and the plot setup seem really cool. But I think perhaps you should look into expanding their society a little bit. It's really plot driven, which is fine but doing so draws out your exposition like crazy. And that might be what you're going for. However it's really difficult to read your story when there is so little sense of the setting, especially technology, and the structure of the community (since this is a completely made up world). Supposedly they live in a little village, that has what seems to be a techno club, and farmers. If you're going to weave such a loopy world, perhaps it would be better to weave your reader into it as well, instead of throwing jargon about so suddenly and unexpectedly with little explanation. I know it's so easy to criticize and very difficult to actually create. And bearing that in mind I can't imagine you sitting there writing out these villager's absurd lisps. Why would you put yourself through that, it almost seems to serve no purpose except to be incredibly irridading do the person reading id. Honestly though, can you ever imagine getting into it with someone who sounded like one of them? "Oh yesh! Do id do me. Righd dere baby." Then again perhaps I'm just writing this review prematurely, I tend to get impatient.
Posted at: 2008-07-09 13:05:49
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