July 1 2008
World...meet Jasmine.
Jasmine is our puppy. At three years old she still has no concept of "calm." She doesn't know how to ignore the dog that's walking 4 miles away. She still enjoys shooting herself out of some invisible rocket and sprinting down the hallway so she can slide on the living room carpet like Tom Cruise did in his socks and tighty-whities in Risky Business. She consistently tries to hang herself with her leash. She doesn't know the meaning of the "come" command or "leave it" or "off" or "down" or just about any of those standard puppy commands she should have mastered years ago.
Her speed and agility and lack of any ability to pay attention has provided her with the nickname "Crackhead" - which at this point in her life, she legitimately responds to.
Her lack of attention paying abilites became evident when we first moved to our current house about two years ago. We didn't have a fenced yard, and every morning the husband type would let her out. She would inevitably run to our non-dog-loving-anal-about-his-yard neighbor's yard and pee a glorious pee and then run onto the next yard, and the next one and so on. When the husband opened his crusty eyes and realized she was a block away - he would yell at the top of his lungs (he couldn't run after her because it was 6AM and he was in his boxer shorts). This happened so often that before we knew any of our neighbors, they knew our dog's name.
What she can do is the following:
A: Run REALLLY FREAKIN FAST - I mean Flash Gordon fast!
B: Bark really loudly and frequently
C: Take down small children and cleaning ladies
D: Sit about 10 feet from you so she has to get up to come and get her treat
AND
E: Swim like champto any boat but her own
She's supposed to be a mixed-breed of something. We're thinking Jack Russell Terrier and Carolina Dog. She's a solid 32 pounds and hasn't gained an ounce since she started her daily use of crack.
BTW - a Carolina dog is this mythical beast that supposedly roams the southeastern US swamp-lands. You can read about them here. She fits some of their criteria - namly the feaky behaviors like rooting for nothing and absurdly duck-like webbed feet and the coloration is right on as well. She changes colors with the season.
And then there's the teeth - that's why we have her. How can you NOT love those teeth? She has the worst under-bite I've ever seen. Everytime my mother comes over for a visit she asks Jasmine when she goes to the orthodontist. Jasmine just smiles and says "That's Grandma's job."
Here's to teaching 4 year olds new and exciting words like "crackhead."
